Truth and lies
Let me try to reframe the fundamental lie we have told ourselves that led to all of the debacle we have endured for the last four millennia.
The lie: sex equals making love
The truth: fully shared sexual pleasure equals making love. Fully shared sexual pleasure makes love. Any other form of shared sexual pleasure becomes perceived as a substitute in the absence of loving coitus rather than a viable alternative for rational reasons for some.
Put most simply, we are not human until coitus is a human act.