Expectations

Truth and lies

Let me try to rephrase the fundamental lie we have told ourselves.

The lie: sex equals making love

The truth: fully shared sexual pleasure equals making love.  Fully shared sexual pleasure makes love.

Expectations

The trickiest part of transitioning from beast to sentience has to do with expectations set by previous generations and the potential that was beyond the grasp of an animal.

The effect of past generations will always remain, to some extent but, at certain points, like now, a reset is required.  That is what loving coitus provides.    It resets us into a sentient perspective on life.

The lack of love erects a barrier to the fulfillment of our sentient existence.  Love fulfills the sentient state.  Not because someone has been grinding away in your ear about it, but because it springs forth from a sentient being that has fulfilled their sentience by retaining their ability to love for a lifeitme.  Our trajectory of life remains stunted by the animal's witless stubbornness: "we don't know and we don't wanna know."  That is not human.  Humanity cannot fulfill itself unless it achieves clarity.  Only one subject impedes that clarity.

We shake our heads free of the stupour of the animal and, voila!, we can take the human, sentient perspective of love.

One of the biggest problems is we were forced to define love in animal terms because we could not imagine what it really means to love in a sentient space.  The animal's definition doesn't fit.  It never has.  It is not enough for a sentient being that knows better.  There is more to loving than our ancestors ever imagined or animals even contemplate.

We need to finally learn to rely on our human instincts of clarity rather than the stupefaction instincts of the animal.

Our lack of fulfilling love, of course, radiates outward into every single one of our dealings, interactions, and relationships making for a a very crude approximation of human interaction.  

        Fulfilling the intimate relationship changes everything.  Every interaction is changed.

The key that releases the flood gates of our humanity past the restrictions of the animal is loving coitus.    We break the chains of the animal, once and for all, by being human in every way that counts.

All the clamour in our lives is the clamour of the animal for attention and the human for fulfillment of its humanity.  The clamour can subside.  The latter can be fulfilled, the former forgotten.  

The stupoured state of the animal clashes with the presence of mind of a sentient race.  The animal has to give way to the human.

The human can finally communicate without all of the clamorous distractions.

There is another vector we can take on expectations, as well.  I was thinking of a conversation that I had with a friend a long time ago. 

Anyways, weird conversation that led nowhere except for my realization, now, probably ten or fifteen years later, that men are so convinced that they have tried everything that they quit looking a long time ago;  My guess is about three millennia ago.

The upshot that I have been trying to get across is that they are wrong.  Oh, it takes more effort than holding your breath but hardly on the order of walking and chewing gum at the same time.

Our expectations are based on the animal's perspective on things.  Men pursued muscle strength rather than mastery.  Mastery is easier and changes the ground rules completely.

As with any great insight, it is simple in retrospect.  I can't wait until we get to the retrospective.

Let me try another tack.

Men expect to fail at loving coitus.  Essentially, that is why they continue to fail.  The subjects of coitus and a man's performance have been off-limits for millennia.  Our improved knowledge of physiology; the simple, yet incredible, mastery of the body that humanity has already displayed (think skateboards); along with the nuances, the mechanics, of the act of coitus have never been brought to bear.  More than anything, it is ridding ourselves of the foolish animal perspective that it is all about strength.  It is about the sentient capabilities of muscle mastery.  I'm not talking about Kung Fu mastery.  More like walking on two legs.

As I think about it, it is embarrassing that it took so long to figure out but there are good reasons it took so long.   We were convinced by animal history that there was nothing to be done and we wanted no further discussions on the subject.  Wrong answer. SMH  It was a survival mechanism initially.  It became a burden the moment it began to become raised beyond the level of consciousness.

Men were lousy at coitus and the best humanity could hope for was that the man deals with it in an intelligent, sentient manner.    That hasn't turned out so well.  Men have reacted  just like a dimwitted animal cornered in defeat.

    Worse yet, is the insidious paranoia it causes in the male gender.  One never becomes completely convinced that one's own failing is common.  The human sentient mind (rightly so) cannot comprehend the male gender failing at love.

    Do you see the conflict?  How can a man actually act in a sentient manner when he is still held hostage by the animal's enactment of coitus and the feelings of defeat generated - at the most important act of his life, as well as the growing realization (over the millennia) that we should be able to do something about it and that there was something to be done.  

What makes it really depressing is not that men cannot succeed at sharing, but that men begin to feel unworthy of love.  The reaction of men's feelings of unworthiness are a scattershot all over the emotional spectrum and our existence.  From defeat to the pompous, bombastic behaviour, it all has one source.  

Underneath it all is bewilderment and confusion.  

"That ain't right!" is the only acceptable reaction.  I chased that phrase across a lifetime and, I think, unravelled in a fairly comprehensive description of success in Explanations.  

Complete success within two generations seems likely, once a few men decide they would rather love than hide.  

The first generation may stumble.  I mean, look at it.  It took me a lifetime just to figure out that it was a problem we had not faced and, in fact, buried beneath three millennia of shame.  Explanations should ease the way.

Even with only the slightest improvement and understanding, coitus becomes a work of art and love. 

Yeah, I think it's a big deal.

We will finally treat our bodies with respect rather than shame. 

    

        Another way to look at the situation is tricky for me to put into words.  It is another set of phrases that never made sense to me, phrases I could never accept.  There are many phrases that cover it.  "When are you going to grow up?"  That is usually bandied about right before the zinger that often follow, "Life is pain.  Grow up!"  "Nose to the grindstone", "Life sucks and, then, you die.", and "When are you going to put away your dreams?" all come from the same book of phrases as "the good old days" that set the expectations for life to the measure of an animal.  

  The change in expectations must reach the point that we can expect the human race to do the right thing.  

I'm sure that sounds challenging.  It is not.  A race of sane, sentient human beings cannot do elsewise.

    I really feel like I'm going off the deep end now.  I've probably lost everyone.  But, then again, that's not new, I guess.  It's getting kinda old, actually.

  We remain broken because of coitus.  For all the hoopla and outrage that some heteros place on alternative forms of sex, the problem is with coitus, the act that humanity must turn into a loving event.  An event that acknowledges our sentient capabilities to master the body.  The event is not human yet and neither are we.