Frustrations building

I will preface this with saying I hate the first piece.  I only leave it because I believe it is said better than anywhere else.  I would like to take the time to clean it up to the point that I could stomach reading but I doubt I will.  It would take a total rewrite.

I am facing a whole lot of frustrations lately.  As I read through the posts, I realize that many posts are fractured because I was thinking things through rather than worrying about the wording.  The wording in some, I have discovered, is just dead wrong.  In some, it is so snarled that it seems hardly worth the effort to do other than just delete it.  

So, now, I will be going through them all to clean them up to some extent.  Call it the kickoff frustration.  Then, of course, there is the delayed typing-to-character-appearing on this platform that gets longer as the post gets longer.  I have a particular finger in mind when I think about it.

An additional frustration is that I have not been able to address one of the most important pieces of evidence at all.  I just couldn't find the right words.  I address it, in a feeble manner, in a number of the books, always trying to improve the explanation, just because it is that important to so many people.  It has to do with the malignant hatred held by a portion of the heterosexual crowd for anything other than failed coitus.  That portion of the heterosexual crowd is, of course, at fault.  The reason they hate anything other than coitus closes in on why loving coitus is so very important. 

 Their hatred and delusion is the residency of the worst men and the most bewildered women.  They cannot admit that love is missing from their enactment of coitus, so they will never admit that any other form of sex can supply that which is missing.  The man lasts a few seconds and the woman dare not say a word.  Not only do they cram it down humanity's throat that heterosexual is the only 'decent' way but, and this is the blowoff, coitus is the only form of sex that is acceptable for this set of heterosexuals.  For them, it remains all about the man.  The woman remains dirt under his feet.  There are a lot of those men and it will not change until loving coitus becomes the standard.

This is why so many gods were created.  To take the stupid dictates of low brow men and transform them into the words of a supreme being.  That's what men have done for three millennia or more.  Make shit up to suit their desires.  It's enough to piss off the pope, if the pope had a soul.

Well, this is refreshing.  I finally figured out why that standpoint annoys me so much!  It sounds so much like what I am saying and, yet, the difference in what I am saying is infinite.  The best I've been able to come up with, so far, to stress the difference is to say that I don't care if every other form of sex continues into the future.  It just doesn't matter.  The other forms of sex, I guess the right term is sexual orientation, will almost certainly go on into the future.  Even once we gain our full sentience through the good offices of loving coitus, there will be reasons that exist for every other form of sex to continue.  I've addressed a lot of these in the books.  Loving coitus is not crucial because everyone has to do it.  It is crucial because no one can.  It is crucial because of its absence.

The real problem is just how thoroughly the human race has blinded itself.

Other frustrations?  Oh, there are just so many!  The irony that it had to take an elderly man to fight his way through all of the bullshit that the instigation of the stupour has caused, while it will take a young man to move things along is right up there at the top.  

The frustration of finding so many different ways I could have approached the problem is not quite so poignant, since I've found none that would have worked better, though some still pull at me.  It is the irony that I mention that just blows my mind.  The fifteen years burned to get anyone's attention is also annoying, of course.

Another frustration of late is that I have been given more than one out by Nature but I have such a difficult time not fighting against Nature taking its course that it is almost funny.  I could have easily let the natural progress take the lead and use it as an excuse to take the easy way out but I just can't lie to myself.  At all.  Sigh.  And, I just can't bring myself to let Nature have her way without using my brain to combat each failure of the body.  At least in this life that I can't say I would regret losing.  Like I said, hilarious.

This all started because of the way it is impossible to search across posts.  I was looking for where it was that I let another frustration loose.  That is the frustration that I can just see some crying out after I move on, "Ha!  You lose!  Misery is the be-all and end-all!"  It is, of course, not true and my moving on doesn't change that but, still, it will annoy me.

Wow!  They are really pouring out of me.  I'm not sure it will make me feel any better documenting them but it sure doesn't hurt.  I don't know whether to call this one a frustration, irony, or poignancy.  Maybe all three.  This life has sucked from start to finish (see 'My Karmic Debt') but it is as good as it could be (other than getting a few people to admit that they get what I am saying  - I even have some of that going on as well as I write this and, in reality, that is definitely the best I could hope for).

It's like I have attempted to explain elsewhere.  There is no one that I would trade lives with.  The adoration of other prehumans?  Please.  The sad intimate relationships of others that usually last about an instant?  You're kidding, right?  At least all of the ones that I am aware of, on close inspection, are sad affairs that are the impetus to misery.  They put on window dressing for others but, it's all too clear the ways in which it is nothing more than settling for something less than was initially expected.    Friendships that count would have been nice but I've already explained why that could not happen.  One, just one would have been nice but, as I said above, no one in their right mind would want that position.  And I really despise the idea of followers, as such.  As I've reiterated, over and over, it's not about me.  It is about the words.  Only a prehuman would idolize me or anyone else.  Not my cuppa.  No thanks.  A human will stands on its own and idolize no one.  They may respect some but that's as far is a human will go.

I've speculated on the very few intimate relationships that might actually be worthwhile nowadays.  First of all, I don't believe there are any that are true loving relationships.  It is, at least mostly, fictions brought to you through so many avenues for purposes of deception through the use of paradigms of nonsense that have been passed down through generations.  I'm not talking just about the 'love story' fictions but the intimate relationships that you may actually have witnessed that put on a good show.  I've seen a few of the latter and, being who I am, I delved deeply.  At least the ones that I have explored were all an utter sham.  They were, for all intents and purposes, armed camps.  Just like diplomacy, smile while you are sticking a knife in the other's back.  Diplomacy might best describe the whacky world of the prehuman.  Each country shouting about the awful traits of other countries while using those same traits themselves to their advantage, while the media sucks it up and the audience clamours for more.

But, let's say that, maybe, there is the astronomically rare relationship that lasts a lifetime full of nothing but love and sharing on a level that seems impossible at this point in our progress towards our humanity.  There would still be the full-on insanity of the prehuman state that is dragging the whole of the human race through the mud and will not get better until we put the prehuman away and fully embrace our sentient state, which is what my whole life has been about: loving coitus as a staple for the race.  I could not be so craven as to take that little slice of heaven (that I have never seen  in any couple I have ever encountered) and call it home, while still trying to explain the awful state of the prehuman condition and how to transform it into a human condition.  

By the way, as I think I have made clear, I consider myself done.  There are other, collateral issues that impede now.  In some ways, it would be the next logical step in this life.  Too bad it makes no sense.  I've explained why and the real road forward in this note.  I will not repeat myself.

Maybe in the next life I will be able to do so.  In fact, even if the witless race remains a witless race as I enter stage left into the next life, it will be an extremely important part for the process of convincing humanity that it can be human.  It's just weird how often I can references scifi regarding certain  circumstances.  Even more amazing is how it is almost like a bell tolling as I read certain works.

Well, that brings up a different frustration.  A new frustration.  I was all ready to start studying what it means to be human and got quite a ways on the topic but, somehow, it has begun to pall.  I think it is because it just makes me ache so much for the day that humanity becomes human.  I guess, also, the anxiousness I feel as we, once again, for the umpteenth time, enter the fascist zone and move closer to the zero hour on the Doomsday Clock.

I don't know where this fits in.  It is not exactly a frustration.  I guess it is just the case that it's resoundingly emphatic that it is time to move on.  There are still reasons that bother me but that should all be done within a very few months.

I guess my one remaining fear is that humanity will not last very long, as we are on the brink of destruction and hate, once again.  

There's just nothing left for me to do in this lifetime.  That is why I attempted exeunt about a year ago.

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I am beginning to believe that this is going to end up being my favorite post for the future.  The frustrations continue to build.  Oh, don't worry, it's not that bad.  It's not as bad as having to live another life as a prehuman with all of the mindless angst ranging.

It's just that I keep trying to find some way to break through.  Some set of words that can penetrate the stupour with ease.

For instance, I was just thinking that the best we have been able to do so far, regarding education of the heart, is not the 'humanities' as they are called.  It is the rare exceptional book (usually written by a woman) that describes a loving heart.  It is magnificent and pitiful simultaneously.  It is magnificent in that it gives us a sense of what we are missing.  It is pitiful in that it only gives us a sense of what we are missing.

As you should know by now, I love making connections.  I spent a lifetime developing the skill.

It was inadvertent.  I don't know why I developed the skill.  Just shoved in that direction by life, I guess.  Either that or reincarnation.  I was always trying to hone my skill by making predictions to see if they came true.  After I realized what was wrong with humanity, I really tried to confirm that skill because, all of a sudden, it had become important.  Before that, it was just a fun pastime of little import.

Before that, it was of such little use because no one else was interested in my weird little discoveries.  When The Nail came along, it no longer mattered what others thought.  If true, it was important.  So, I set out to convince myself that it wasn't just some harebrained cockamamie nonsense that I had cooked up.

Over the last fifteen years, I have done so, over and over again.  It's tricky because some of my insights we spurious, not really thought through.  How to explain?  Some, I put a lot of effort into, such as how to stay alive when I should have dropped dead repeatedly over the last decade or so.  Others, it was more like 'I wonder' and, like all of the rest of the data, it was just reserved space in my mind to keep track.

Anyways, that is a long, drawn out (because I've little else to do for the next few months) way of saying that I began reading a book of heart and started trying to connect them with the fascinations of a woman (no, not the woman) that was clearly fascinated with the book.  While she is not 'the woman', I respect here a lot.  She is trying to shake up the world, as well, so I just wondered what fascinated her about the book.

It's a good book, for certain.  But, as I began to read it, it did not immediately latch onto my heart.  What was the fascination?  As I got further into the book, I began to see how, for someone (especially a woman) in their formative years could have this book imprinted on her mind and lead her through life in a big way.  I have a lot of those books myself.  One of the strangest of those is Jane Eyre.  It is weird for a number of reasons.  Maybe the most significant of those is that I didn't ever read it until I was late in life (50's?).  There are not many books that had such an impact at such a late age.  I was captured by a lot of books in my 30's and 40's but just about lost it at that point.  Except for Jane Eyre.  I still don't know how it could have such a powerful impact on me so late in life.

Yes, all of this leads to the idea of formative books and education of the heart.  I don't know.  Will it be useful in the future when we become human?  I think it is very possible.

We will no longer be like a mad animal running off in every direction.  A cohesiveness will have to develop within the human race.  It cannot remain a bunch of bewildered beasts with each beast out for themselves.  That is one of the major differences between a human, sentient race and an animal race.  They will pull together.

In such an environment, education of the heart, maybe, can be enhanced by books.  I won't say for certain, since I am wildly hesitant when it comes to fiction and, at least in the prehuman existence, anything written is fiction.  Or, maybe some of it can be considered the nonfiction of the prehuman.  In other words, stories that, in essence tell the awful story of prehumanity.

So, this is only a pointer for future generations.  Maybe it is valid, maybe it is not.  But, it's been fun writing.  ;~j 

Of course, none of it matters if the heart is not set free by loving coitus being available.  Sigh.  I feel I need to stress the last two words.  If you don't know why I am stressing them, go read a few more books.

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This is a repeat that you may see in other posts.  I just think it is that important.

    This is the key point that I think most humans are missing.  It's not about the individual being human.  It is about the human race being human.  That is totally different matter.  

    That is what everything I have studied for a lifetime has been all about.  It's not about this guy's quirk or that guy's war.  It's been about understanding the underlying cause of all of the havoc that we endure.  What drives any human crazy?  What drives humanity crazy?
    We actually say it all the time.  We know what it is and, yet, we are not willing to face up to it.  Do you see how that drives us off the rails?  We finally have gotten to the point that we reference sex but even that is avoiding the real top.  We still avoid what really drives us crazy.
    It's time to face up to it and do the only thing that will save us.   Men need to grow up and realize they have been acting like fools for millennia.  It causes all of the havoc.
    They can learn to love.  Just as I mentioned above, it's not about the individual.  The male gender needs to know it is so much more than an animal that it can love.  The human male just needs to realize it is so much more than an animal that the rules of the animal no longer apply.
Then, we are truly free.  We are liberated from the animal.
    The only way that happens is if a few men whose egos are tough enough to dare to learn to love, prove the case, and tell the world about it.  All men can learn to love.  There will be no room for shyness as we prove we are human.  The result, our full humanity as Nature provided, is well worth it.
    I've done the most difficult and the most awful part.  The most difficult part is that I broke through.  The most awful part is that it took a lifetime.  Because of that I will never even reap the rewards.  Maybe in another life.  If I were the type of prig that could never have done what I did, I would not continue to try to find some way to break humanity free.  I would depend on me coming back, instead.  Even with all of my surety regarding reincarnation,  I can't take the risk or display the arrogance and prehuman obsession with self required.  I expect it still will end up being the case but there you go.  I'm doing what I can but will be thrilled for myself if I, and the one that deserves it as much or more than me, get to bring it to fruition.  I would truly love that, though I can't root for it.  It certainly seems to be the case.