I've been pondering the stupour, once again. For some reason, my own blockage, as I struggled through it over the last fifteen years, and particularly the first five or so of those years, came to mind.
For five years, while I delved into the fact that coitus is not suitable to Humans in its current state of mindless rutting, my fiercest struggle was all about facing up to the state of coitus as a man.
The struggle was to own up to the fact that, as a man, I was failing at the most significant, and yet unstated, obligation of expressing my love to a woman in the most intimate way possible. It was such a mind-distorter because of all of the lies men have handed down to their gender and reinforced over the millennia in order to obscure their inability to do anything about it (yet!). [I originally used a more colloquial term (read that as offensive, crude, and more comfortable) than 'mind-distorter']
In many ways, it is a man's betrayal of the whole of the female gender, thus betraying their Humanity.
The staggering realization, even now, stuns me. Most of all, men have been distracting themselves from the 'secret that everyone knows' for all of our existence.
I realized this as I pondered the simple, lovely, amazing emotional maturity of women. I think this is going to require another post about how we have gotten it all backwards. It is why misogyny exists. The domination of the female gender is essential to the Big Lie. As the truth is twisted, many women are twisted with it.
As I look back on it, my struggle was to admit what few men (if any) have ever faced successfully. It went on for at least five years. In some ways, it went on for the whole fifteen years.
Somewhere along the line, after that initial five years, I realized that the struggle was against all of the paradigms that prehumanity has adopted over the millennia to avoid the subject of coitus and any topics that come anywhere near it; all of the nonsense that men have thrown around for all that time is meant to distract themselves from their personal failure. That relieved the pressure I felt to some extent. It took me the last ten years to realize just how thorough that conditioning on men has been. It twisted every word I attempted to write. Unfortunately, for me, the way in which I penetrated the stupour had its own effects, which still makes it difficult to write clearly. A big part of that, of course, is the complicated situation that we have created.
These are the reasons that this has been so difficult to explain clearly and took me fifteen years (don't forget the previous forty years) to do so. It is so foreign from anything we have been allowed to think for close to three millennia. Somehow, men got it in their heads that admitting that coitus leaves something to be desired by all is a betrayal of their gender. That, of course, led to the disaster of betraying the human, sentient race as a whole. This explains the armed camps of the two genders, always at war with one another. This explains the "good ol' boy's club" better than anything before. It is circling the wagons. It is building a fortress around the utter male failure to become Human.
To be completely clear, we must harken back to the time before we had as much wit as we have today. Our long-dead ancestors really didn't have the wit to face the issue, much less resolve it. So, the building of that fortress was all but inevitable. The difficulty is disassembling that wall of resistance to becoming a sentient race that accepts its heightened awareness, in a time when the resolution of unassisted Loving Coitus has finally been comprehended and made available.
We just can't think straight (as prehumans) regarding anything about sex until we accept that we can love in its most natural manner. That is one of the reasons I had been pulling my hair out for all of those fifteen years. I knew my own pre-settings/pre-conditioning when it came to sex. I also knew there were other distorted viewpoints with which I was unfamiliar. I had to seek bombardment by those other viewpoints in order to understand the many forms in which the resistance to change was encased.
I realized long, long ago that I had to bypass the surface issues, as well. I get into that elsewhere.
The worst, of course, is still to comprehend the female perceptions regarding coitus. I am certain they are just as mystified as I am (as a representative of the male gender). I was just writing a rhoem regarding one aspect of it. The way in which so many women feel 'dirtied', 'sinful', 'lessened' by the achievement of orgasm suddenly struck me. It is just as bent as any male perspective regarding coitus and, yet, that took me fifteen years to finally perceive clearly, even though it was apparent the whole time.
I am still not completely sure I understand the female perspective on it all. Mystified seems to describe it best but that is just my best guess.
All of that preconditioning is there to reinforce the distractions, make certain we never go anywhere near exploring the state of coitus. So, of course, any discussions on sex were impeded for three millennia and, then, as the tide of sexual discussions could no longer be stopped, of late, it had to be hacked to pieces. We are going more and more mad as a race as the realization comes closer to home. We are becoming more like an animal as the failure is becoming aware to our consciousness without admitting the problem and, finally, succeeding.
The power of the desire to look away from the state of coitus is something else. My struggle, those first five years, as I look back on them, were incredible. It was as if there were some dark, dreaded fear lurking in the back of my mind, waiting to bite me as I delved into the source of our insanity. (makes me think of fairy tales (and religions (as opposed to spirituality), and news, once again)
My rage could strike the moon as I think about it. I think I'm past the rage, now, though. Now, it is more a matter of utter frustration. I just hope I have written these posts well enough to penetrate the stupour of the animal without the necessity of such a close approach for anyone else into delving into the insanity. As I had to do, wondering about my own sanity, and a life in which overcoming the insanity meant being so very alone.
As I write all of this, I am, once again, staggered by the awful complexity of the problem that we have always faced. Every time, as I write, so many other insights fire off in a different direction regarding the maze of nonsense we have developed and the awful aftereffects.
All of our concentration that focuses on the superficial issues that can never go away until the root cause of the nonsense is gone also helps me feel more confident about my insights regarding the 90% of the mind I posted about. The blur we have endured for three millennia is immense it its complexity.
No one can go near the real issue, so they get themselves caught up in the nonsense of superficial issues that it generates at such a far remove from the actual issue that they convince themselves that they are taking a stand, while all they are really doing is avoiding the dark dread that everyone knows is there as the human race goes on dodging reality and boiling in hate, confusion, delusion, deception, doubt, and contempt for itself.
There is the one mystery I will never entirely resolve. How in the world did I know that all of the superficial nonsense we spend all of our time on meant nothing? I never, ever engaged on it (until just lately, in frustration and, maybe, boredom). There is only one experience in my early youth that comes close to explaining it and it points to reincarnation. I will always lean on that but I can't consider it an answer to that particular mystery. It will remain only a supposition. At least in this life.
It is all so confusing and complicated, except for the simple fact to which it leads. Loving Coitus must exist for humanity to gain its sanity. Only at the heart of it all is an answer.