as women do without effort
The two genders are like two alien races, each speaking in a different language that the other cannot understand. The basic thought processes of the two genders are so foreign to the other gender that they cannot communicate. Their perspectives are just that different. The reason that is so is obvious.
Women never disappoint men, when it comes to fulfilling the coital obligation of satisfying their mate. Men almost invariably disappoint.
Women know how to love and think nothing of it. Men have never learned how to love and always feel guilty. (see misogyny and guilt trips)
As I have said for a long time, men take and women give. Even though women seldom receive love from men, and may never (yet) receive love (on the scale that is meant to be for a sentient race), they always give love. A critical point to keep in mind is that women are beginning to catch on but, of course, not in the right way. Some women (bless you, dear) are fed up. What else could be expected when men have never owned up to the problem and remain emotionally immature, pouty little children.
Do you see? Women see everything through a lens in which love is just obvious and takes no effort on their part. They cannot grasp why men have such difficulty with it. That is why the female gender has tried to teach love to men for millennia (as if they were Pavlov's Dog, think guilt trips). It just doesn't work. The heart becomes uneducated in men, not the other way round.
Men do not have that lens. It is shattered at puberty. Thereby, they never connect the dots. Most end up running around wondering what happened. Men become utterly blinded to the full panoply of love, that all of Humanity is due, through a painful three millennia of circumstance and disillusionment building upon itself to make it nearly impossible to penetrate (I have been trying to do so for fifteen years/books).
The genders are speaking in two different languages. One from love. One from frustration. It is time they speak the same language of love.
It is up to men. Until they do so, they can never consider themselves men. They remain howling, demented animals. We must rid ourselves of the stupour caused by our inability to face up to the situation as it is and, finally, remedy it.
It explains so much. It explains women's belief that grew over the ages that they could educate the men to learn how to love, never realizing that it is a natural state of mind for an undisturbed Human. It is not a matter of training.
I will add that the training that women provided probably kept us for going over the edge completely. But, more is required.
Split personality
This harks back to something I was trying to explain in Millennium.
This is that which makes explaining this all so difficult. There are, essentially, two audiences and each speaks their own language, has their own interpretation of existence. Men and women. The split personality of prehumanity.
From there, the human race splintered into further realms of confusion. All of the further splintering is a matter of taking sides in all of the foolishness. All of the various attempts to make things better, without the slightest possibility of success. Without the slightest acknowledgement of what is wrong even though everyone knows it, if they bother to look and can overcome the vast obstructions that have been erected, we will never make Human life other than a dystopia.
The split personality only makes things worse by confusing the situation further as the real issue remains unaddressed, unacknowledged. Both genders run and hide from the issue that counts. Women do so because they know if it is mentioned, the male gender goes berserk. Men do so, any longer, only because they remain bewildered by the bewilderment of their elders. The explanation is available, though I'm sure it can be improved as we throw off the blinders and progress with open eyes.
The feeble attempts to act like the efforts of addressing the surface issues improves the situation for humanity is a farce. It just distract from the single issue that really matters. The prehuman race might as well be howling at the moon.
Add in all of the confusion spawned by these repeated, feeble attempts to explain existence beyond the animal's witless, stupoured state and only make human life tolerable, and it has taken us three millennia to finally understand what is really going on.
The lack of unassisted Loving Coitus is what split the personality of humanity. Its continuation through three millennia shattered the personality into incalculable confusion.
It really should be the whole of humanity addressing the confusion. But, I guess, what must happen first is that humanity admits it need not remain a bewildered mess. We have to get over the idea that dystopia equates with sentient existence. That is nothing short of madness.
Cross-purposes
I thought of another way to explain these cross-purposes. Many men often seem to close up as a relationship matures. Especially the first relationship, as it begins to dawn on them that they are not performing as all expectations have led them to believe was possible. It is as if the brain is short-circuiting on them. Instead of becoming more involved in the relationship, they begin to seem to draw away.
From a woman's point of view (from what I understand), this is the real kicker. They seem to be able to shrug off the lousy sex. As one woman put it to me, it is the snuggling that is most important to them (at least some, though I'm certain that others won't agree), the feeling that they are sharing in other ways. So, as the man begins to draw away, the woman is devastated. She may come to a wide array of conclusions but seldom, do I think, they get it right. They are right to be bewildered and justified if they walk way.
Do you see the cross-purposes? The woman thinks the man is drawing away from her, when they are really only drawing into themselves as they try to cope with the awful feeling that they have failed and bewilderment that they had it all wrong. The man is so caught up in their own bizarre secret that they have been conditioned not to reveal (??? even though everyone knows the secret?!??! SMH) that the woman's travails hardly even register. Seldom, if ever, does either open up about what is wrong. Cross-purposes. Neither can even understand where the other is coming from.
And, yes, I'll say it again. Kudos to the few men that find their way through all of this to love a woman and make it work. I'm sorry but it is the man's failing, no doubt about it. So, it is the man that must make it work. And, still, it is not enough until the male gender actually conquers its failing and becomes master of its own body rather than seeking the preposterous status of master of the universe as if the male gender were some ludicrous action figure.
Now, think of our past. For some reason (I really wanted to write 'insane reason' but there may have been a point which I won't get into; it just didn't work), premarital sex was out of the question. So, a couple was thrown together, after they have been bonded for life, and all of what I just wrote about would roll out as they began their relationship already locked together.
This was written on the spur of the moment, so don't be too surprised if I end up deleting the whole post. That's been happening alot of late. I really like what I've written but with the continuing lack of feedback about what works and what doesn't, I can turn on a dime. Sometimes, a piece seems so perfect. Other times I just want to trash the piece.